August 13, 2008 I bowled a 269 last night with my friend Jen and her roommate Christina. That’s a strike in every frame except for the first and the the sixth. It’s amazing to me how something so trivial could make me feel so good 
Posted in Personal 
3 Comments »
August 8, 2008 Stephen Curtis Chapman wrote an amazing editorial at CNN.com. He claims that
If only 7 percent of the 2 billion Christians in the world would care for a single orphan in distress, there would effectively be no more orphans.
It seems to me that adoption, like having biological children, should be non-negotiable to eligible, capable, orthodox believers. After all, as SCC puts it,
adoption is a physical picture of what Jesus has done for me. I did nothing to deserve God’s love; in fact, I was living as an orphan, without hope. Yet God chose to pursue a relationship with me, and through the death of his son Jesus, I was adopted into God’s family.
Posted in Good Thinking 9 Comments »
July 16, 2008 Never have I lived more righteously than I’m living right now, and never have I been more aware of my own sinfulness.
Both times in my life when I’ve tried to live honestly and do my very best have ended with me being completely shattered before God.
I don’t know how to live in God’s value, which is infinite, rather than my own, which is none at all.
Lord, it’s so hard right now. The only thing that terrifies me more than Your Presence, is the thought of leaving it. Please take this cup from me, for it is more than I can bear.
The only comfort I have right now is that so many people love me so very much. I’m some what embarassed and ashamed of the fact, really–that people love me, a lot. And God has used me to do extraordinary things. I know for a fact that he has used me to save lives, just as he used others to save my life–not because of anything I’ve done, or am, or have. Just because. And I don’t know how to live with that. I don’t know how to live with the fact that I am the recipient of so much undeserved love, so much unmerited favor. I do know how to live with the fact that God chooses to do great things with me and through me and for me though I, in and of myself, am not great. Grace is the hardest thing in the world to accept. Perhaps that’s why I prefer Justice, even though it means my destruction.
The road to Humility is hard and I don’t want to walk it. Save me, Lord. Make me willing and able to walk it. Hold on to me, for I have no strength.
Posted in Personal 2 Comments »
July 16, 2008 I had the following exchange with God today:
Me: “Lord. I can’t do it.”
God: “I know. But I can.”
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July 14, 2008 Today I looked for Scripture to support one of the character traits I would like to define me—namely, Faithfulness. The biggest thing I noticed through the experience is that the Bible has a lot more to say about God’s faithfulness than mine. I find that encouraging.
The most interesting thing I came across today was in Revelation 17:4–
They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome them because he is Lord of lords and King of kings—and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers.
For some reason it reminded me of Matthew 22:14–
“For many are invited [called], but few are chosen.”
Then I had the frightening thought, “Perhaps it is true that many are called, few are chosen, and even fewer remain faithful.” I’d like to be faithful—just in case 
Posted in Personal 5 Comments »
July 13, 2008 MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Posted in Good Thinking 3 Comments »
July 10, 2008 Psalm 44:3-8, 26
3 It was not by their sword that they won the land,
nor did their arm bring them victory;
it was your right hand, your arm,
and the light of your face, for you loved them.4 You are my King and my God,
who decrees victories for Jacob.5 Through you we push back our enemies;
through your name we trample our foes.6 I do not trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;7 but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.8 In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.26 Rise up and help us;
redeem us because of your unfailing love.
Psalm 45:6
6 Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever;
a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom.
Luke 11:5-13
5Then he said to them, “Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, 6because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.’
7″Then the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ 8I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man’s boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.
9″So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
11″Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
Luke 12:8
8″I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God.
Luke 12:11-12
11″When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, 12for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.”
When, not if.
Luke 12:22-34
22Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 26Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27″Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
32″Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. 33Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Posted in The Discipline of Hope 1 Comment »
July 9, 2008 Psalm 36:5-95 Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.6 Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.7 How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find refuge in the shadow of your wings.8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
Psalm 37:3-7, 9, 16-19, 23-24, 39-40
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
9 those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.23 If the LORD delights in a man’s way,
he makes his steps firm;24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
Psalm 38:9, 15
9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.15 I wait for you, O LORD;
you will answer, O Lord my God.
Psalm 39:7-8
7 “But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.8 Save me from all my transgressions;
Psalm 40:1-3, 5
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
Luke 9:48
48For he who is least among you all—he is the greatest.”
Luke 10:1
1After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two
ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go.
We are not alone.
Luke 10:39-42
39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to
him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”41“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Posted in The Discipline of Hope No Comments »
July 9, 2008 These thoughts came to me while reading Donald Miller’s book, and feed my growing resentment of him. I recognize them as problems, but cannot honestly say that I am willing to surrender them.
1) I think I am intellectually and morally superior to everyone on the planet.
This specific combination makes it easy to live without a great deal of cognitive dissonance. If I meet someone who is possibly smarter than I am, I can mentally accuse him of pride (oh the irony!) or some other moral failing. If I meet someone demonstrably more virtuous, I can attack some weakness in the mental component of her creed. Those two strategies failing, I can also say to myself, “I could be that smart/virtuous if I wanted to.” I call this last tactic the “not yet” strategy, and think fondly that it makes me more like Saint Augustine.
2) Miller states that he wants his spirituality to take away his hatred for people, not justify it. Honestly, I want just the opposite.
I have a burning lust for vindication. I care much more about “rightness” (and subsequently other people’s “wrongness”) than I do about Truth. I would rather hate people for their perceived weaknesses than love them for their inherit, or even incidental, value—incidental value being the thing that even the pagans love (see Luke 6:27-36). And the worst part is, I really like it that way. I like having good, compelling, rational reasons for hating people, or at least condescending them. I don’t so much like the idea of accepting on faith the notion of their value.
Thank you, Lord, that I’m not like other men and have mercy on me, a sinner.
3) I genuinely believe I’m the most important person in the room, no matter who else is in the room or how big the room is.
The idea of treating people as more important than myself—because I actually believe they are—is as terrifying and offense to me as dying for my enemies. I can construct cogent, satisfying arguments as to why I am the best, brightest, or most important, and I am as unwilling to surrender my arguments as I am unwilling to surrender the conclusions for whose sake I manufactured the arguments.
4) I don’t want to surrender anything on faith except those sins that have no natural appeal to me, or those sins that are immediately and obviously unpleasant in their consequences. I don’t want my faith to really cost me.
Hence, why I don’t want these four things I guess. I have no problem surrendering excessive drinking, as I’ve never been prone to it. Lust, I surrender, in spite of its appeal, because of its ruinous consequences. Loving unlovable people, however, is a different matter. I actually have to surrender something tangible on faith and receive no tangible return. I don’t necessarily want to hate or harm the unlovable, but I’d very much like to ignore them. I like the parts of my faith that increase my comfort, as though it were God’s chief concern. And I’d kind of like to live in that fallacy, ignorant of how ridiculous it is.
Posted in Blue Like Jazz, Personal No Comments »
July 8, 2008 I had lunch with a friend recently and he expressed a feeling of spiritual suffering and confusion that I related to. I told him that my prayers lately have largely just been, “Save me, Lord. Save me. I’ve got a Problem I can’t comprehend, fix, fight against, or even stand under. All I know, Lord, is that you’re my only source of salvation. Lord Jesus, please pray to the Father on my behalf. Holy Spirit, intercede for me with groans that words cannot express. I don’t know what to pray. Save me. Save me.”
Perhaps this prayer is the point of all my pain, and the reason for my suffering. I thank God for all the things that me closer to Him—and Pain is chief among them.
Posted in Good Thinking, Personal 1 Comment »
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